With wind there is life

This is an old clip, but these creatures still amaze me every time I see it.

Ocean's Buttocks

Power Idiots!

My annual vacation is usually just after New Year, when most of the power idiots get back to work.  Usually you can then find a parking near the beach, without doing a half marathon just to get to the water.

This time of the year is also the only time I keep my head low when passing fellow sailors.  See my parents own a ski boat and usually on holiday I play a bit around on the water and leave sailing on the banks of the lake.  As I speed across the lake, I am astonished to see how idiotic and uninformed the power boating community are. To them "Rules of the road" does not exist, especially after the first beer.

Now if you think "Rules of the road" is a foreign concept for them, wait till you see them trying their hand at mooring.  On the lake their is small "coves"  where they beach their boats for the night. Since it is protected water, none of them even think that the afternoon/evening 30knts + wind can kick up a bit of a swell and a cross wind that could move their moored boats around.

One such power idiot could not give a S@#$ about it and needless to say irritated the hell out of me.  In the evenings he retired to the warmth of his braai (bbq) while nurturing his 1 millionth beer for the day.  Only using a very SLACK bow line to keep his boat from drifting off, his rubber duck floated a bit higher in the swell and turned sideways in the cross wind.  This would've been okay , except his stern, with his prop protruding, was bobbing millimeters away from the smooth side of our boat.  Haven't he heard of a stern spring before???

Trying to be of service to the greater boating community, I suggested a few mooring ideas to MR P. Idiot.  But to no avail, every late afternoon I had to get wet and re-moor his rubber ducky.

Note to Power Boat Association - include mooring techniques in syllabus for skipper license.  

Puppet Master

I live in a world ruled by one. The dictator rules with a monkey’s fist dangling from the side of his throne.  Nudged along by the breath of his ancestors, he skillfully guides his realm. In his ears he hears soft whispers coming from his mistress as she constantly lingers beneath.

Born with two Y chromosomes and enough testosterone to power a continent, he is the Alpha dog, the Top Dog.  Barking and snarling, scratching and biting at the inner being of his minions with verbal abuse and worthlessness, he gets them to obey his every command. 

Called by many names, the one he holds most dear is Skipper or just Skip. He sees himself as the puppet master controlling everyone in his realm, pulling their strings by his constant shouting, cursing and howling.  For no one he fears, except the puppets at the bow, for they have too many strings and a good helping of copper balls.  So he gets louder, foaming at the mouth, barking, snarling and hoping his drool will whack them in the head, getting them to jump and gibe.

His motto is no questions, no back chat, have your beer, do your job and shut up.  All you ever get in return are 

”BECAUSE”

I am the Skipper.  I am the puppet master.


in response to Sailing Anarchy writing project

Aliens shot down our statelites

I like gadgets and the more features it have the better.  One gadget every sailor cant go without on the sea is his chart-plotter and GPS.  Now all the manuals and reviews of each product assures you that they are accurate and that with them on board, you will be confident in your ability to navigate any stretch of water.

This is obviously only true till you run out of power or have a malfunction like we did in a previous post : Got the grey matter?   Or even worse, all the satellites are shot down by aliens.

So do one trust the gadgets with your life?

One should always have a back-up - be it extra batteries or anti alien missiles.  But the one thing an old sailor learned me the best backup was a chart and a compass along with the knowledge to use it

Remember -  Always keep a compass near and plot your position and course 

on the chart (paper chart) every half hour.

in response to  Tillerman's writing project

Bollards of Steal - the trilogy

What was this guy thinking?  Surfs up, lets take my 6 ton yacht

Beer can traffic Jam

round and round it goes

when it stop only skipper knows

after years of going round the pot 

starting, everybody knows their spot  

when were off with a breather

 the lot will follow the leader

round and round it goes

 with beer cans everybody knows

 set the sail and trim the sheet

on this leg, I will bring the heat

round and round it will go,

while the wind will blow

when it stops i will yell

zero brain this is hell

round and round we will sail

when it stops I might bail

Traffic Jams

Are traffic jams and mental dullness killing sailing? What if this is the reason for all the displays of “Bollards of steel” and idiotic behaviour out there?

Sailing has always been an adventure for me. It was a way of breaking free from the world into a realm of my own. Get out there, battle the elements, never knowing what will come next. Sailing was a way of loosing myself, but finding myself at the same time. It was as if when on the water , the world made sense again and I knew who I was.  It did not only hook me emotionally, but mentally it got my brain unstuck form 1st gear and took me to 5th in seconds

But as the years sailed by, the fog rolled in over adventure and the dullness settled in on my mind. By now most of you are saying: “What the f*&@? Cleat off and run that by me again”

Ever watched a goldfish in a round bowl?  Round and round it goes with no personality and brain power near zero. Same can be said of the usual beer can races at the club, it always starts with a traffic jam, because everybody wants the prime spot.  Then the buzzer goes and fleet is off.  The usual suspects are in the lead and everybody just follows their lead.  Every week the same course, the same bunch, the same tactics, the same heading, the same cans. When do we use our brain? When will we finally say: “You are killing the sailor in me”?

Isn’t this the kind of Sailing that breeds the egotistic, idiotic and untactful sailors we see on you tube?  Not thinking of the consequences if something goes wrong, just to prove they have Bollards of steal?

When do we say enough is enough? When do we take back sailing?

Note:  This is a generalization of repeated club racing around the same cans every week.